New Tattoo Idea maybe?

So I've always wanted to get the sparrow. But how's this? 

The writing is in Elvish and it reads my full name. I think it looks good enough to go across my lower back. The sparrows I'm definitely getting. Just one though. I was just messing around with elvish and came up with this. We'll see ^^

My take on Disney

As a kid, I grew up watching Disney movies. I loved them to death. My favourites were Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King and The Little Mermaid. I think its pretty safe to say that almost all of us grew up watching classic Disney movies too. They were apart of our lives then and as it is now. For some of us anyway. These cartoons taught us love. Maybe not the best way to teach us, but it did anyhow. It made us girls anticipate the moment we meet Prince Charming. Made us want that "happily ever after" badly. Looking back at it now, was it all really a good influence for us? I know its not nice to blame Disney solely since they just put to film old literature. So bare with me. 

They were all entertaining, don't get me wrong, but really though. A lot of what these cartoons represented was that finding Prince Charming was the most important thing in an adolescent girl's life. Yes its fun and exhilarating and all that, but seriously. Shouldn't cartoons teach the little ones about selfless love instead? About looking beyond how a person looks or dresses? About family pride? Let's see some examples.

Cinderella and Snow White

Here's the story of the girls that later branded all stepmoms as evil. Tell me honestly. What's the first thing you think of when you hear the word "stepmom"? Evil? Mean? Not all stepmoms are evil. In fact, some try so hard to be nice but fail because kids already have this idea of them being evil planted in their minds. A bit sad don't you think? One can only try so hard. She is human after all. All that hate is bound to rub off on her and get her hating on them too one way or the other. 

Then there's Cinderella's prince charming. Genius over here falls madly in love with the girl he has one dance with. Only reason he danced with her? Cause she looked the best at the ball. Would he have taken a second look at her had she attended the ball looking as she normally does? We'll never know but I wouldn't put my bets on the table if I were you. Looks aren't everything and if you're going to let your kids watch these cartoons, you'd better explain to them the reality of things afterwards. Its only fair. Now back to the prince. He falls in love with her and then after she leaves, instantly forgets how she looks like and has to try the shoe on every girl in town to find her. How romantic. 

Snow White on the other hand, had to run away from home because her again "evil" stepmother wanted her dead. Why? Because she was prettier than her. Is this really what we want taught to our kids? Eliminate your competition by whatever means necessary. Even if it means you have to kill the person. Ha ha. Everybody's beautiful one way or another. You're pretty in your own way, and so is she. There's really nothing to fight about here. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder anyhow. So back to Madame Snow White. She's forced to run away from home, and the first thing she does? Enter a stranger's house, dig around their stuff and then fall asleep in their house. Ever heard of trespassing or stranger-danger? So OK, she has her beauty sleep and then she wakes up to not one, not two strange men, but seven tiny, old men carrying pick axes in their hands staring at her while she sleeps. And she STILL chooses to stay. She chooses to stay and does them a favour by cleaning their house. Ha ha. Turns out though, these men give her some cool advise about not talking to strangers (as ironic as it sounds) and despite them telling her not to, she goes ahead still and talks to a scary old woman with a wart on her nose. Or was it chin? Anywho, it was a scary ass old hag and she even took an apple from her and ate it. So yea, we know the rest of the story after that. She falls into a deep sleep, the old, tiny men come home, kill the hag which turned out to be her stepmom, prince charming finds her somehow or rather (it took a magic mirror for the stepmom to find her), kisses her, she wakes up and they ride into the sunset and live happily ever after. All in the span of a few days tops. I can't remember how long she was asleep. Trust me honey. If you were that dead asleep in the company of seven men who've been living without women for a long time, you won't wake up that lucky. Just saying. 

I can go on and on about some more but I think I'd rather not. As much as I hate the message some of their cartoons send out, there are some pretty decent ones. These for example teach that true beauty comes from within, or that the only thing you can do with your past is learn from it and change the future, or even that nothing beats the love you get from your parents and friends - that's true love. Here's some.

Beauty and the Beast

My ultimate favourite Disney movie. Ha ha, yes I may be a little biased with this one but you can't blame me. From the very start Belle goes on about her love for reading, her love for wanting something different, for an adventure. She's not at all bothered about the village "hottie" (or at least he claims to be) and all of his proposals. Any other Disney princess would've made him her life's goal. Ha ha. The cartoon really starts with the story of how the prince turned into a beast. About how he was a snob and then was taught a lesson that true beauty lies within. Not only does this cartoon teach us about inner beauty, it teaches us etiquette. How to behave like a gentleman. How losing your temper is a bad thing. And also how sometimes the best thing to do is to let go. Sacrifices pay off. Like when Belle sacrificed herself to take her father's place as prisoner and when the Beast sacrificed his chance of going back to human form just so Belle could be with her father again. Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?

The Lion King

Aaah this movie. Sparked my love for lions, it did. First saw it when I was 5 and I've been in love with lions ever since. Mufasa <3 Anyway, fantasies aside, this cartoon teaches us family pride. Teaches us that the most important thing is to "Remember who you are". Teaches us that jealousy only leads to destruction and also teaches us love. It has to doesn't it? Lion or not. Ha ha. It also teaches us that a pair of men can bring up a child to have a good head on his shoulders. Yes I know being gay is not accepted in a lot of societies. But being gay shouldn't matter. Love is love. And how you bring up your kids depends on you. Most of the people in jail were brought up by normal parents. By normal I mean a father and a mother. Didn't turn out quite right did they? Still you don't see anyone making a fuss about it. Meh. Another post for another day. Overall, the movie taught us that families are important. And even if you stray away, you know they'll be right there waiting for you to come home.

The same applies to Finding Nemo and 101 Dalmatians. The story about relentless parents on the search to bring their children home. Be it just one or a hundred and one. 

All in all, I think parents need to sit and watch Disney cartoons with their children. To highlight the important parts of the cartoon and to tell them the reality of things otherwise. Kids are growing up very fast these days. What with all their music and movies telling them love and romance is everything. Let them grow up slowly and savour every moment of their very short childhood. I'm lucky I was just weird to not be so into all this finding love and romance. I mean, I still want it. But never at that age. The idea of happily ever afters appeal more to me now, as it should. I want my Prince Charming. But I also know it'll take time. Teach kids that. That true love will take time. Let it. And it'll last.

Forever and ever.

Decisions

Decisions. Not everyone's favourite thing to do, but someone's gotta do it and its better you than someone else. But how do you know whether its the right or wrong decision?

I think, there isn't any. There's no right and wrong decision. Just easy and hard ones. Both will yield results some better than the other but none wrong. Sure I've made a tonne of decisions I thought was wrong, but if they really were wrong, I don't think I'll be the person I am today. We learn from the decisions we make. There's been times I thought, Oh hell no, I made the wrong choice! And then I realise that the only time I felt this way was when things got rough. Ask me about it today and I'd be able to tell you with a clearer head that I made the perfect decision when I was put in the situation. It made me happy and then somehow things took a turn for the worse and I became miserable. So how can it be a wrong decision if it made me happy? 

Easy decisions somehow make you happy first and then sad. Harder decisions that make you think and think and then force you to make sacrifices somehow make you sad at first but the happiness that comes after lasts a whole lot longer. But see, people being people like doing things in the spur of the moment. We want to be happy. I mean, who doesn't? And that's why we're quick to decide. Its not wrong, but I've come to realise that if we stepped back, thought a bit and then decided, it'll be far better in the long run. Sure it'll be difficult in the beginning. You'll probably be kicking yourself a few times for making the decision. But if you're patient to wait a bit, you'll see that you'll find happiness somehow growing gradually. And it'll keep growing as long as you let it. As long as you think about the long run instead of the temporary happiness it'll bring you now. 

Anyway, as some of you might have guessed, the reason behind this post is that I made a decision too. I made an easy decision recently without thinking thoroughly and I was on top of the world. I was all, I'll cross the bridge when I get to it. Suddenly I'm now rock bottom and I don't know how to cross the freaking bridge. So I made a decision that was extremely difficult. And really, all I'm trying to do now is to convince myself that everything will be okay. I have faith that it will be. I have faith and "farlings" that care so deeply about me that I know for a fact this time my decision will bear better fruit, so to speak. 

Coming back to the topic at hand, decisions however difficult it may be is never right or wrong. They just give different results and we learn from these. Only when we stop learning from our experiences have we made the wrong decision. I've learnt from mine. Painfully no doubt, but I have learnt it well. 

So I'll tell you honestly. Right now, even though I feel like I've messed up big time, in time I'll see that these feelings won't compare to the happiness I'll feel then. 

Apologies

Where do I even begin? It's never easy to be on either side. Whether you're the one making the apology or the one being apologised to, its a situation we (or rather, I) usually avoid to be in. But sometimes you can't really avoid it can you?

I was at church last Sunday and for the first time, I almost cried over the Lord's Prayer. The part we say "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sins against us." really brought tears to my eyes. Have I really forgiven all who's sinned against me? No.

You little hypocrite, I thought to myself.

And then I thought, OK maybe its time to just say "I'm sorry". Doesn't matter whose mistake it was, I just wanted to apologise for acting the way I did. I really did at the time but I haven't done it till now. Mixed emotions of anger, fear and a little pride still remain in me. So now that's got me thinking. Never mind MY apology, have I forgiven them? Does being angry with the person mean you've still not forgiven them? Even though what ever that has happened doesn't matter to you any more?

Now I've got a dilemma. Like as if my life isn't full of it already. How on earth do I clear my conscience here? How does one forgive? By just walking away? By accepting that its THEIR mistake and letting it go? Or by accepting that its OUR mistake and then let it go? Forgiving them by first asking for forgiveness? Sigh.

Life is short. I know. And heaven knows I really want to solve this but if its not the right time then I shouldn't rush things.

Right?

Anyway, this post is just me rambling at 1.45am. Ignore my ignorance =)

Help Me Understand

Pause the music on the side first =) Its a really good song. Have a listen. No one says it better than Trace Adkins. 

Closure

I have found closure.

I Forgive You
by David Munoz

They may call me crazy
They may think I'm insane
How could I forgive you
For causing me all this pain

You knew that I loved you
You knew that I cared
Maybe that's the reason
Maybe you're just scared

Maybe I pushed too hard
Maybe we went too fast
Maybe that's the reason 
That our love didn't last

Or maybe it wasn't me
Maybe it was just your game
Just playing with my heart
Causing me worlds of pain

But there's something that's not a maybe
Something that I know is true
Its something that I owe you
And its a big "Thank You"

Thank You for giving me Happiness
Thank You for giving me Love
Thank You for being my Angel
The one God sent from Above

Thank You for showing me Life
Thank You for opening my Eyes
Thank You for supporting Me
Thank You for staying by my Side

And all of these things
They all come from you
So my Angel, Thanks...
And I forgive you.

The Waiting Game

There’s a saying, “If you love someone, let them go, if they love you, they’ll come back”. I found this VERY disturbing. How long exactly are we supposed to wait? Is there a benchmark of some sort? Is there a maximum time limit? What if you end up waiting your whole life only to find out they’re not coming back? Or what if you wait too short a time and they do return, only to find you in the arms of someone else?

So the question here is, do we wait? And if so, HOW LONG?!

Usually, and I mean usually, I would just opt to not wait. I mean, why wait for someone who decided to leave you at a time you maybe needed them most? If they could actually do that, then they’re not at all worth waiting for. There’s a billion other people out there all waiting for someone to show up in their lives. Why not be their someone? Why wait for the one who, at the moment, isn’t entirely sure whether or not they want to be with you. Or maybe who at the moment has other more important things to worry about? I sometimes think its stupid for a person to want to wait for someone. Its almost like saying, you’re waiting for a dearly departed to return from their eternal slumber. Let’s say you do wait, and wait and wait and wait. And then what? Wait some more? While the other is free to go out and venture on other things? Other persons maybe? You’ll only be forcing yourself to a life of sleepless, tear-filled nights and endless torment. Hoping and praying for the day they ‘come back’. There is of course the alternative outcome, and that is, that this person actually does come back for you. Then you’ll both spend the rest of lives together, knowing you’ve conquered the worst possible test a couple could ever encounter. And that my friends, is true love.

Then again, what if you’re at a situation where you REALLY, HONESTLY love this person, and you KNOW for a fact that this person loves you too? And that the only reason they’re ‘leaving’ is because they’ve been forced to due to undesirable circumstances? Then what? Do you wait for each other? For that moment where you both run drunkardly into each other’s arms and pick up where you left off? I mean, what if here you decide to not wait? What if while they were gone, you started to fall for another person? Someone who this time really wants to be with you and has no intentions of leaving you like your previous other? And then only to suddenly hear a soft knocking on your door followed by a visual of the eyes you once fell in love with. Past memories and emotions suddenly fill your mind and heart. But wait, what about the one waiting for you inside? Do you go back to that one? Or do you leave with this one and reignite that old fire that has been reduced to a mere waning flame? Either way you choose, you’re going to definitely feel guilty.

So back to my original question. If the situation ever arises, heaven forbid, do we wait or not? In my opinion, its totally up to you. Ha ha I know, but don’t move just yet. =D I think, you should totally wait if you’re absolutely, a hundred per cent sure that this person is going to come back for you in the NEAR future (near being 5 – 6 months tops). Life is short. Don’t waste it by playing this ‘waiting game’. It’s better spent on yourself. If you think this person’s not sure about getting back to you, move on! Go find someone else. Odds are, you will. And if the previous comes back looking for you, explain your situation and wish them well on their way. I’m not saying its going to be easy but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

Life is all about making choices. And it doesn’t matter if it’s the right or wrong choice. Really. It doesn’t. What matters most is what you make of it. Do what you want and only what you want. And then take full responsibility of the outcomes. And so, I leave you with this quote by a famous blogger, Paulo Coelho, “Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering”.

So wait or forget? I know what I’m going to do. What about you? =D

A Beautiful Poem

I was just reading some random poems and I came across this one poem that brought tears to my eyes. I just HAD to share this.

Don't Know What Happened
by Alexander

I don't know what happened between us...
We just seemed to drift apart.
And I am still hurting,
Cause I still love you with all my heart.

After all we've been through...
The things we said, the fun we had, the times we shared.
Can you look at me now
And tell me you never really cared?

I thought what we had
Was really going to last.
But I guess it is over
And I still don't think we happened too fast!

I know my insecurities
Make you frustrated and mad
I've been hurt before
But my days have never been so sad.

The memories of our times together
Burn like a fire in my soul.
Sometimes all I can think about is you
And I really lose control!

I am sorry
You think I am wrong for loving you
But you have to believe me...I REALLY DO!

You know I love you no matter what!
And I really only want to be with you!
I know there have been others for you
But none could love you as I do!

When I remember the life we created together
And how when it ended I was shattered.
I wish we could have shared so much...
But right now all I long for is your touch.

My life seems so empty.
I guess I drift from day to day.
And I have to keep telling myself that
No matter what, every thing's going to be okay.

Oh, you don't have to worry about me anymore.
That "problem" is over.
So you can go on as if we never happened
And find you another.

I still believe you will always love me
No matter how much you try to forget us!
And you have all the memories as I do too.
But I realize how hard it is for a hurting heart to trust!

Maybe one day I will be able to smile again,
Letting the smile come from my heart.
But I am still trying to put the pieces back together,
That you tore, so mercilessly, apart.

I've been through worse
And I will get through this, too.
I'll try not to find anyone else
Because there will never be another you.

The love we had was too right
For us not to try to work this out!
But you have to tell me
What are we always fighting about,
Cause I really don't know!

I know you loved me, too.
You said you did...
But I guess you never loved me as much as I love you.

I've been through worse
And I can get through this, too.
I will not try to find anyone else.
Because right now, all I can think about is you!

Here's the link if you want to find more poems:
http://www.poemslovers.com/love_poems/first_love/poems/1341.html

Foretold Deaths

Deaths. I know its not something everyone thinks about all the time or should think about at any time, but it's a pretty unavoidable thought isn't it? I mean, have you not thought for just one second what it would be like if you were going to die this way or that? What the world would be like without you for your friends and family? Or whether there's some reconciliation to get done before time runs out???

Now, what if each and everyone of us was told before hand, or maybe at sometime in our lives, the exact time and date of our deaths? And also how we will be making our grand exits. Will it make a difference then? Knowing exactly when your expiration date is, so to speak. Will it make a difference to you or your friends? Unless of course you'd rather keep it private. Still, will it make a difference to you? Will you be more content at the time of said death? Or will it not make a difference at all?

I mean, lets say I knew the exact details of my forth coming demise. I would probably settle any outstanding debts, thank everyone who needs thanking and maybe just write notes to people I think needs writing to. Best friends and family, for example. Saying how much I love them and the things I'd probably have left behind for them. I'd also sign an agreement for organ donation. If I have any functioning organs left at the time, of course. But still you know, these are things I'd do for people. What about me?

Would I happier when I die knowing that I've tried everything I could possibly try? Bungee jumping, sky diving, snorkeling, traveling the world, going on a safari, horse-back riding, hiking, jungle tracking and of course waking up to the person you love most next to you, knowing you're loved that much as well. Would I be happy doing all these things with one thing in mind? "I'd better do this before *dd/mm/yyyy*" And then, when I'm done, would I be happy knowing that I've done it all? Or is it just another day closer?

A friend of mine said "It should. That way, you can plan better" and that "if its unavoidable, why waste time being miserable? Now that you know how much time you've got, you can use it." But won't it still make you misserable in the end? This is why I have such great respect for all these patients out there who've been told just how much longer they have left to live. People. Just like you and me. The only difference is, they know when the end is. If it were me, I'd rather be put to sleep then and there. Than to have the balance of my life spent in depression and self pity. Counting the minutes and seconds to the black tie event.

And now what if you knew how you were going to die.

If it was a car crash, would you stay away from Luxury Cars, Limosines and Sport Cars? If it was a fire, would you stay away from camp fires, birthday cakes and nice, warm fireplaces? If it were AIDS, would you not have any kids? And if you were going to die in your sleep, would you not sleep at all? So I guess it's not a good thing being told when and how you're going to die. Then again, it would be good knowing too. That way, it wouldn't come as too much of a surprise. You would have been better prepared. But then, you can never be prepared when it comes to saying your 'Goodbye's, can you?

Anyway, the bottom line is, there isn't a difference. Don't take life for granted. Even if you live to be a hundred, its still too short. There's just no time to be depressed or to be wallowing in self-pity. And if you have the time, which I know you do, go spend it with someone who's not going to be around much longer. Don't pity them, just, help take their mind off the thought of the death that's coming their way. The Children's Cancer Ward is a good place to start =D

Go save a life. It might be your's you're saving at the same time.

Make that difference.

In Pursuit of HappYness

Movies, book, songs etc. always makes it seem as if happiness is a definite thing or something you might find at the end of a long time struggle. Even people always say "Oh, don't worry, you might be feeling this way now but it'll all go away soon enough and then you'll be happy." Really? Will I? Will it all just 'go away'? Or is happiness just something temporary? Like every other thing life has to offer? Is happiness really something where when you get it, you have it till the day you die?

What I think is that happiness comes and goes like the wind. You're never always struggling and neither will you always be happy. And it has absolutely nothing to do with your horoscope either. I'm sorry to say that but it just doesn't. The only thing that determines how happy you will be or how long you will be depends on the kind of decisions you choose to make in different but ordinary situations. If you would rather just sit in wallow in self-pity, even a blind man could see how happy you are or will ever be.

Then again, nobody is perfect and nobody makes the right decisions all the time. In the first place, there's is no right or wrong decision. Different decisions give different results, some better than the other. The point is, happiness really isn't something we were meant to pursue. It's more of something we should maintain. It has always been there staring at us. It could just slap us in the face and we would still not know about it! Some of us are just a bit blur that way, I guess. We should take advantage of the situation that's bringing us down instead of letting the situation take control over us.

Last Saturday at mass (at SFA, man I love that church!), the priest gave this story about this girl, Alice.

"One day, Alice was complaining to her dad about some problems she was facing. Being a chef, he then led her to the kitchen to try to calm her down using food. He put 3 pots of water onto the stove and started boiling them. In one pot, he put carrots, in the other eggs and in the third ground coffee. After about half an hour or so, he scooped out the carrots. He showed Alice how soft they had become. He explained to Alice that the water symbolized the problem.

After being in the water, the carrots became very soft and fell apart easily. He added that we should not let the problem turn us soft or gullible (or something like that..). Then he took out the eggs. He showed Alice how hard the eggs had become. He said that sometimes our problems turn our hearts hard. So much so it becomes hard for us to accept differences or to set aside our differences. Again, we should not let the problem do this to us. Finally he poured a little of the coffee into a cup and gave it to Alice. He said that we should be like the coffee. Although the problem did change us a little, we took advantage of the problem and turn it around to suit us. It was now no longer a problem."

In a nutshell, I think, no no.. I believe, that happiness is not something that was meant to be pursued but rather something that was meant to be maintained. It is temporary. But happiness is everywhere. You're just not looking hard enough. Be happy the you woke up this morning, be happy the sun is shinning, be happy you can actually see the sun. Then again, this is just my view on happiness. I don't know how you lot feel about it, but yea. I guess different people think differently. What I may think about happiness can or may seem like utter rubbish to you. But...... this is my blog so, too bad! Haha.

So, did Snow White, Cinderella and Chris Gardner 'live happily ever after'? I doubt it.

A day at Restoran Nelayan

Pictures I took at Restoran Nelayan, Lake Titiwangsa