Decisions

Decisions. Not everyone's favourite thing to do, but someone's gotta do it and its better you than someone else. But how do you know whether its the right or wrong decision?

I think, there isn't any. There's no right and wrong decision. Just easy and hard ones. Both will yield results some better than the other but none wrong. Sure I've made a tonne of decisions I thought was wrong, but if they really were wrong, I don't think I'll be the person I am today. We learn from the decisions we make. There's been times I thought, Oh hell no, I made the wrong choice! And then I realise that the only time I felt this way was when things got rough. Ask me about it today and I'd be able to tell you with a clearer head that I made the perfect decision when I was put in the situation. It made me happy and then somehow things took a turn for the worse and I became miserable. So how can it be a wrong decision if it made me happy? 

Easy decisions somehow make you happy first and then sad. Harder decisions that make you think and think and then force you to make sacrifices somehow make you sad at first but the happiness that comes after lasts a whole lot longer. But see, people being people like doing things in the spur of the moment. We want to be happy. I mean, who doesn't? And that's why we're quick to decide. Its not wrong, but I've come to realise that if we stepped back, thought a bit and then decided, it'll be far better in the long run. Sure it'll be difficult in the beginning. You'll probably be kicking yourself a few times for making the decision. But if you're patient to wait a bit, you'll see that you'll find happiness somehow growing gradually. And it'll keep growing as long as you let it. As long as you think about the long run instead of the temporary happiness it'll bring you now. 

Anyway, as some of you might have guessed, the reason behind this post is that I made a decision too. I made an easy decision recently without thinking thoroughly and I was on top of the world. I was all, I'll cross the bridge when I get to it. Suddenly I'm now rock bottom and I don't know how to cross the freaking bridge. So I made a decision that was extremely difficult. And really, all I'm trying to do now is to convince myself that everything will be okay. I have faith that it will be. I have faith and "farlings" that care so deeply about me that I know for a fact this time my decision will bear better fruit, so to speak. 

Coming back to the topic at hand, decisions however difficult it may be is never right or wrong. They just give different results and we learn from these. Only when we stop learning from our experiences have we made the wrong decision. I've learnt from mine. Painfully no doubt, but I have learnt it well. 

So I'll tell you honestly. Right now, even though I feel like I've messed up big time, in time I'll see that these feelings won't compare to the happiness I'll feel then. 

Foretold Deaths

Deaths. I know its not something everyone thinks about all the time or should think about at any time, but it's a pretty unavoidable thought isn't it? I mean, have you not thought for just one second what it would be like if you were going to die this way or that? What the world would be like without you for your friends and family? Or whether there's some reconciliation to get done before time runs out???

Now, what if each and everyone of us was told before hand, or maybe at sometime in our lives, the exact time and date of our deaths? And also how we will be making our grand exits. Will it make a difference then? Knowing exactly when your expiration date is, so to speak. Will it make a difference to you or your friends? Unless of course you'd rather keep it private. Still, will it make a difference to you? Will you be more content at the time of said death? Or will it not make a difference at all?

I mean, lets say I knew the exact details of my forth coming demise. I would probably settle any outstanding debts, thank everyone who needs thanking and maybe just write notes to people I think needs writing to. Best friends and family, for example. Saying how much I love them and the things I'd probably have left behind for them. I'd also sign an agreement for organ donation. If I have any functioning organs left at the time, of course. But still you know, these are things I'd do for people. What about me?

Would I happier when I die knowing that I've tried everything I could possibly try? Bungee jumping, sky diving, snorkeling, traveling the world, going on a safari, horse-back riding, hiking, jungle tracking and of course waking up to the person you love most next to you, knowing you're loved that much as well. Would I be happy doing all these things with one thing in mind? "I'd better do this before *dd/mm/yyyy*" And then, when I'm done, would I be happy knowing that I've done it all? Or is it just another day closer?

A friend of mine said "It should. That way, you can plan better" and that "if its unavoidable, why waste time being miserable? Now that you know how much time you've got, you can use it." But won't it still make you misserable in the end? This is why I have such great respect for all these patients out there who've been told just how much longer they have left to live. People. Just like you and me. The only difference is, they know when the end is. If it were me, I'd rather be put to sleep then and there. Than to have the balance of my life spent in depression and self pity. Counting the minutes and seconds to the black tie event.

And now what if you knew how you were going to die.

If it was a car crash, would you stay away from Luxury Cars, Limosines and Sport Cars? If it was a fire, would you stay away from camp fires, birthday cakes and nice, warm fireplaces? If it were AIDS, would you not have any kids? And if you were going to die in your sleep, would you not sleep at all? So I guess it's not a good thing being told when and how you're going to die. Then again, it would be good knowing too. That way, it wouldn't come as too much of a surprise. You would have been better prepared. But then, you can never be prepared when it comes to saying your 'Goodbye's, can you?

Anyway, the bottom line is, there isn't a difference. Don't take life for granted. Even if you live to be a hundred, its still too short. There's just no time to be depressed or to be wallowing in self-pity. And if you have the time, which I know you do, go spend it with someone who's not going to be around much longer. Don't pity them, just, help take their mind off the thought of the death that's coming their way. The Children's Cancer Ward is a good place to start =D

Go save a life. It might be your's you're saving at the same time.

Make that difference.